THE BURNED OVER DISTRICT

If you were the person who stopped the big swinging dicks from swinging, stilled the ringing of their brass balls and caused the Masters of the Universe to run and hide, would you believe that any government would give you real immunity from either prosecution or persecution? John Doe, whoever he/she may be, seems to believe that is possible.

The anonymous source behind the huge leak of documents known as the Panama Papers has offered to aid law enforcement officials in prosecutions related to offshore money laundering and tax evasion, but only if he is assured that he will not be punished.

“Legitimate whistle-blowers who expose unquestionable wrongdoing, whether insiders or outsiders, deserve immunity from government retribution,” the source, who has still not revealed a name or nationality, said in a statement issued Thursday night.

The documents, which list the true owners of thousands of companies created to hide the people behind them, expose the holdings of current and former world leaders and other prominent figures. The source, who uses the pseudonym John Doe but whose gender is not known, said that the papers could spur thousands of prosecutions, “if only law enforcement could access and evaluate the actual documents.”

He noted that journalists who have viewed the papers have said they will not turn over the full archive of 11.5 million documents. “I, however, would be willing to cooperate with law enforcement to the extent that I am able,” he wrote.

“Banks, financial regulators and tax authorities have failed,” the statement said. “Decisions have been made that have spared the wealthy while focusing instead on reining in middle- and low-income citizens.”

“Our financial system should not provide the rich, the powerful and the corrupt with the opportunity to shield their assets and avoid paying their fair share or with the opportunity to hide any illicit activity,” said Wally Adeyemo, the deputy national security adviser for international economics. “Nobody should be able to play by a different set of rules.”

The statement by the Panama Papers source was released through the German newspaper Süddeutsche Zeitung, which originally received the once-confidential archive of documents taken from the Panama-based law firm Mossack Fonseca. Bastian Obermayer, a reporter for the newspaper who received the original leak with his colleague Frederik Obermaier, wrote in a blog post that he had confirmed via encrypted chat that the statement had come from the same person — of unknown nationality — who provided the secret documents.

John Doe wants it all to come out and he/she will gladly help with any and all prosecutions. Is there anywhere on this planet safe enough for someone that dangerous to The Powers That Be?